Gardening, boating, home-steading, cute animals, couponing, soap-making, herbal remedies, office pranks, creative writing, popular books, beach vacationing, historic landmarks, fanny-pack fashion, celebrity gossip, beanie-baby collections…. these are all topics I could have chosen to blog about. But did I? Nope! I decided to blog about the most difficult thing I could- my life.
This is a hard blog….for several reasons.
- This is my life- and anyone who knows me well knows that I typically am not interested in sharing my life.
- I tend to be a people pleaser so I write with my individual readers in mind instead of sharing my true feelings.
- This situation is hard- and it only seems to be getting harder.
But I keep writing. Albeit, I am not as consistent as I would like to be but some weeks, I can’t get a sentence out. Other times, I feel like there has to be someone out there that struggles like I do. That’s my audience- the one who needs to know that she is not alone.
So here I am. Knee-deep in this thing and feeling like (once again) this boat I am on is steering itself and doesn’t care if I am enjoying the ride. Five months ago, I was loved. Welcomed. Involved. Needed. Today, so much has changed and I am not sure why. My opinions are no longer needed, my thoughts no longer wanted, my help no longer- – -helpful. I suppose it is all part of the process but it doesn’t make it any easier. Humans have an inate need to feel needed. And not just when a babysitter is required….in all things.
I can’t figure out why a friend can give advice about life and it’s fine. I give the same advice and I am intruding. I guess that is a good thing and it should make me proud. For the first time in our relationship, I am not a friend- I am a mom.