I am mom…

Never Stop Writing

Gardening, boating, home-steading, cute animals, couponing, soap-making, herbal remedies, office pranks, creative writing, popular books, beach vacationing, historic landmarks, fanny-pack fashion, celebrity gossip, beanie-baby collections…. these are all topics I could have chosen to blog about. But did I? Nope! I decided to blog about the most difficult thing I could- my life.

This is a hard blog….for several reasons.

  1. This is my life- and anyone who knows me well knows that I typically am not interested in sharing my life.
  2. I tend to be a people pleaser so I write with my individual readers in mind instead of sharing my true feelings.
  3. This situation is hard- and it only seems to be getting harder.

But I keep writing. Albeit, I am not as consistent as I would like to be but some weeks, I can’t get a sentence out. Other times, I feel like there has to be someone out there that struggles like I do. That’s my audience- the one who needs to know that she is not alone.

So here I am. Knee-deep in this thing and feeling like (once again) this boat I am on is steering itself and doesn’t care if I am enjoying the ride. Five months ago, I was loved. Welcomed. Involved. Needed. Today, so much has changed and I am not sure why. My opinions are no longer needed, my thoughts no longer wanted, my help no longer- – -helpful. I suppose it is all part of the process but it doesn’t make it any easier. Humans have an inate need to feel needed. And not just when a babysitter is required….in all things.

I can’t figure out why a friend can give advice about life and it’s fine. I give the same advice and I am intruding. I guess that is a good thing and it should make me proud. For the first time in our relationship, I am not a friend- I am a mom.


Things To Come

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My mom visited recently. She came up from sun-shiny Florida to care for me while I recovered from surgery….or at least that was the excuse she used to spend time with her new great grand-baby. Who can blame her?

I decided to take full advantage of this opportunity. You see, I’m pretty new at this grandma thing….she’s been doing it for 18 years. I figured this was a great way to look 18 years into my future.

Day 1: Picked mom up from the airport. Stopped for dinner on the way home. At the end of the meal, mom requested a sweet tea to-go. She drank the to-go sweet tea, then filled up the to-go cup with her regular glass. Why didn’t she just drink from the regular glass in the first place?

Day 2: While having dinner, mom mentioned that she had a toothache on the right side of her mouth. She then proceeded to explain that because of said toothache, she gets full faster on her left side. What???

Day 3: I had to move my car manual out of the glove box. When my husband asked me why it wasn’t in the car, I had to explain that mom needed more room for napkins and straws she had collected from restaurants.

Day 4: Mom spooks easy. Today she was swinging her feet as they dangled over the side of the bed. Completely unaware that there was a newspaper on the floor under her, she would hear the crinkling noise it made when her foot hit it, stop, and ask, “Did you hear that? Wait, it stopped.” This went on for several minutes.

Day 5: These words ACTUALLY came out of my mother’s mouth: “I love the color red. I love red cars, and red fingernails, and red hair. Oh, and I love the blood of Jesus….”

Day 6: I’ve decided to stop studying mom. It’s a little frightening and I fear some of it might rub off on me. I choose instead to enjoy each and everyday with her, and all of her quirks, and try to never take her for granted.

The Exceptionals



Did you know that less than 5% of babies born actually come on their due date? At least that is what we were told when Charli Gray came on her due date, January 9th @ 2:08pm. This baby is EXCEPTIONAL!

You know who else is exceptional? Dads.

You see, I played dad a lot during this pregnancy, delivery, and during the healing period afterwards. I got to be a birth-coach and primary support person and while it was an amazing experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything, it was hard work.

I always hear mommas talk about wanting more babies and dads always seem reluctant. I always thought that was so selfish…

Mommas go through morning sickness, doctor’s exams, cravings, aches & pains in every part of the body, contractions, pushing, delivering not only a baby but afterbirth too, breast-feeding every two hours, cracked nipples….what is dad’s problem???

I’ll tell ya….dads catch the blunt of mood swings, hold hair back during bouts of sickness, carry bags, open doors, push wheelchairs, fetch pillows and blankets and cold compresses and puke bags and house slippers. They warm bottles and empty diaper pails, heat up dinner and refill water cups. They drive to doctors appointments, take pictures of poop for pediatricians to examine, and pick up the fallen off umbilical cord when it freaks mommy out.

I don’t say any of this to take away from a mom’s hardship to bring forth life, but as a way to say, if ‘dad’ thinks twice before saying ‘yes’ to having more babies, maybe he is just considering all the responsibilities and making sure he will be all in.

Hooray for exceptional dads!!!!

And then there was Charli….


January 9, 2017 at 3 o’clock in the morning, I wake to find Alana doubled over at my bedside.

“I think I might be in labor.”

“WHAT??? Are you sure???”

She then proceeded to tell me that her contractions were 4-5 minutes apart which instantly threw me into panic mode.

Every moment from then until 2:08pm, when Charli decided to make her grand appearance, was an emotional roller coaster. It would be HOURS before Alana would receiver her epidural and it is very hard to watch your baby hurting without attacking like a ticked off momma bear. There was dizziness, nausea, crying, pleading, screaming, and puke…but that was just me. Alana did great. She pushed through like a champ and did what had to be done. I’ve never been more proud. Proud of the girl who has made me smile for 18 years and who has now given me the most precious gift of all, a sweet grandbaby.


In the Hands of Fortune Cookies

With due date fast approaching, we started placing bets a few weeks ago about the exact day and time of Charli’s arrival. My guess? January 4th at 2:24p. That’s today! That means she has a lot of work to do over the next few hours. Problem is, Charli is being a very stubborn girl and is not cooperating with my plan.

I started the morning with a text to Alana that said “It’s baby day!” I then proceeded to start work while munching on some fortune cookies that I hid from the kids last week when we order Japanese carry-out. My first fortune…..


That HAS to mean a baby, right? I have spent the last 17 years raising children, cleaning house, reading bedtime stories, attending sporting events….and now the time has come for me to receive my “prestigious prize” which I am sure is my grandbaby!


Cookie #2….


Coincidence? I think not! Those cookie makers are smart cookies! Even my breakfast knows how much I have baby on the brain! And not just baby, I am also worried about Alana who is fed up with pregnancy and ready to be done with it all. I can’t handle another night watching her spend hours on the treadmill in hopes of walking Charli right out of there.

So, with all the new-found confidence in these magic cookies, I open up #3….


……nobody believes in fortune cookies anyway……


I Prayed For You Today….

I prayed for you today. You aren’t even here yet but we are all anxiously awaiting your arrival. I keep wondering what you’ll be like…. What you’ll look like…. What your likes and dislikes will be.

And I wonder what it will be like to be a grandmother. All I have to compare it to is my grandmother and those are big shoes to fill.

But I hope when it’s all said and done, I have helped to show you just how amazing and how perfect you are in the eyes of your Savior. And I hope that when you think of me, you will always have happy memories of a person who loved you more than all the numbers before you were even born.


What’s In A Name?


Grandma, Granny, Gammy, Nana, Nanny, Noni, Gigi…..

I’ve gone through hundreds of grandma names looking for just the right one. This is a huge deal. You get to pick one name to be called for the remainder of your years by any number of grandchildren that pop into your life. And you better believe that eventually it will catch on and your children will start calling you by your grandma name too. It is goodbye momma, hello old lady grandma. Goodbye nighttime snuggles, hello rocking chair knitting. Goodbye to kissing boo-boos on scraped knees, hello to gray hair and hip replacements.

Tough transition, right? Tell me about it! I am in major crisis-identity mode right now. I have always been ‘just a mommy.’ If you asked me a few months ago what made me-me, I wouldn’t have mentioned being a Mi-Mi. 🙂 I would have said my entire world was wrapped up in being a momma- and a young one at that! Now here I am. I have instantly aged. My back hurts, my skin is wrinkled, and I can’t see to drive at night. And on top of all of that- I have to choose one single grandma name that I will live with for the next 40-50 years. SO MUCH PRESSURE!

Dramatic, right? Maybe a little, but it is a break-down awaiting many of us as we seek self-establishment based on temporal circumstances. Things change. We lose our jobs, we change churches, our friends move away, our children grow up. This doesn’t change who we are or who God called us to be. We just learned to flaunt the beautiful person God created in new circumstances. And somehow things always work out, regardless of the grandma name we give ourselves.

So, all that to say that I have narrowed it down to two grandma names that I think I might could live with. MiMi and Lolli.

What about you? What’s your grandma name and how did you come up with it? I look forward to hearing from you!