I accepted Christ when I was 15. At that time, I did not know what that meant for my life. I changed my friends and learned how to read God’s Word. I attended church and involved myself in ministries that gave me the opportunity to serve. I tried my best to earn my salvation and I continued this for many years.
It wasn’t until just a few years ago that I understood God’s grace. To any outsider, it would have appeared that I was at a peak in my life. I had an amazing and supportive husband, was enjoying a peaceful life in the mountains of Northwest Georgia, had many Christ-loving, spirit-led friends and had just given birth to my fourth child. But in the midst of all of that outward perfection came a battle that I had fought for years. I struggled with my worth as a person; as a wife, mother, friend, Christian. It was a battle that I could no longer fight.
In Deuteronomy chapter one, Israel refused to enter into the Promised Land. God had led His people out of bondage and despair and had given them a place to rest and restore. They were scared and lacked faith. Verse 28 says that they cried out “The people are greater and taller than we.”
This was my cry. I couldn’t compare to the mothers who kept perfect houses and led Scout meetings. I wasn’t like the wives that I knew, the ones that packed lunches for their hubbies and never spoke an angry word. My life was filled with so many spiritual giants that I didn’t think God would even be able to see me standing behind them trying to earn His love by singing in the choir and teaching a Sunday school class. I couldn’t measure up and claim my promised land because I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t fight that battle.
Verse 30 and 31 says, 30 The LORD your God which goeth before you, he shall fight for you, according to all that he did for you in Egypt before your eyes; 31 And in the wilderness, where thou hast seen how that the LORD thy God bare thee, as a man doth bear his son, in all the way that ye went, until ye came into this place.
You see sisters, my battle was not with other Christians. It wasn’t against my friends or other moms. My battle was against my own doubts and insecurities. And my God says He will fight. He loves His children and He will fight their battles and when you think that you can’t go any further, God will scoop you up into His loving arms and He will carry you. That, my friend, is grace.
***From my new devotional, Made To Move, available on Amazon.